Where's My Mojo?


It was just here, but I can’t seem to find my giddy-up these past few days.  And this makes me nervous. 

Maybe it’s the clouds, the temperature, the time of year.  Something logical.

Right about now, the good girl in me should come up with a pep talk and give my bootstraps a good yank.  Pick myself up and push through.  But it’s not happening.

And how quickly my HOPE shifts to fear.

Maybe the lazy streak I hide so well is finally taking over. 
Maybe I’m letting myself drift away from something (or Someone) vital. 
Maybe I’ve made a turn onto that wide road I’m so afraid of inadvertently ending up on.

Quick.
Someone light a fire under me.
Please.

Then:

Maybe I’m tired because . . . . I’m tired.
Maybe I've come to a stop because that’s what is needed.

Maybe this malaise isn’t a symptom of something sinister in me,
but a gentle invitation.

After all, I can’t receive rest until I’m willing to admit that I’m weary.

“You, oh Lord, keep my lamp burning.”

Comments

  1. DarleneFebruary 1, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    Thank you, Anne, for your honesty! I can totally relate... He is able to meet us right where we are...and He loves to!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 1, 2012 at 8:51 PM

    Amen! Yes, you are not alone! However, I was so inspired by you today as you ran in from the rain laughing and sharing with one of your students. You are such a blessing to me! Be encouraged, sweet lady!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Resolution Fatigue

Image
Right away, I should get this off my chest: this is not a classic New Years’ post.   It’s more of a confession: Thinking about resolutions exhausts me. It’s not that I don’t want to make positive changes in my life.  But there are just so many that need to be made.   When I think about them, it’s like positioning my face a few inches from the nozzle of a fully-engaged firehose.  There’s no way I can take a sip, or even a gulp.  Instead, I’m gasping to get any oxygen at all. Whether it’s deciding how to spend a few free hours, or considering what I might give up for Lent, I have no shortage of ideas.  Quite the contrary.  I’ve been “blessed” with the ability (and never-ending-middle-of-the-night mental energy) to dream up countless “good” things to do.  Some might enjoy this version of “creativity.”  I am not one of them. Perhaps an illustration will help.  I’m not trying to fall asleep yet (so this will be on the short si...
Read more

One Word

A few days ago, I awakened with a single syllable echoing in my mind.   Not long or complex, but brief.   Clear.   Not burdensome or punitive, but light.   Inviting.    Not obsessed with the past, but future-oriented.    One simple word.       HOPE A verb meaning to cherish a desire with anticipation.   To expect with confidence. A noun describing the expectation of fulfillment or success.   Something or someone on which desires are centered.   A lovely, buoyant word.   But for me, also, challenging.   Strangely enough, maybe even frightening.   When I look at my day-to-day thinking, it’s easy to see that I tend towards the antonyms.   Doubt.   Worry.    Question.   Fear.   Distrust.     These feel much safer.   They are known territory.   They protect me from disappointment and unmet expectations.   They provid...
Read more

the oops

It all started as an accident.   An accident that somehow became an opportunity I’d been quietly hoping for. Let me explain: Weekends often find me making a quick visit to gypsymama.com, home of Five Minute Fridays and brainchild of Lisa-Jo Baker.   I simply love her weekly invitation to creativity, and I so admire her willingness to create a place for women to be heard and to encourage each another in our writing.   If you scroll through my blog, you’ll notice that more than a handful of posts have been inspired by her amazing one-word topics. On this particular December morning, I went to the site, read the prompt, set the timer, and began typing.   Nothing particularly new. But when the 5 minutes were up, I realized I’d put words to some fears I didn’t even know had been lurking in my mind.   [ Sidebar :   During graduate school, my thesis director had the irritating habit of “encouraging” me with this mantra: ...
Read more