Breaking Up With Mama Guilt--Why Now?

Yesterday, I went public about my "friend," Mama Guilt.  Maybe that seems a little weird.  So maybe I should explain.

Here are some reasons I decided to write about Mama Guilt, and why I chose yesterday to talk about how I'm telling her goodbye.

Mama Guilt has been in my life for about as far back as I can remember.  In fact, I'm pretty sure her critical voice was part of my internal dialogue long before I even realized she was even talking to me. It was this lack of awareness on my part that gave her a lot of years, and a lot of room, to do a lot of damage.

In retrospect, I really wish I could have recognized that she had taken up residence in my mind, and that what she had to say was completely un-helpful.  But I never ran across anything or anyone who talked about a similar experience   If I had, maybe I would have recognized her for who she is.  Maybe I could have quieted her down before now.  

Obviously, that can't happen.  I can't go back in time.  But if sharing my experiences can help someone else who is quietly struggling with the same thing — maybe someone who doesn't even realize that the pain she's feeling doesn't have to be part of her life —    then it's worth it to "out" myself.  Even if it seems a little weird.

But I'm not really "outing" myself as much as I'm "outing" Mama Guilt.  And that's important.  Mama Guilt's power increases every time she tricks me into being the lone captive audience to her criticism.  But the minute I take the risk of telling someone what she's saying, I'm not the only one weighing her words.  That can give me the courage to stop heeding her advice.  And that is where freedom starts.

Those are a few reasons I've decided to "go public" about this friend.

But why now?

This will probably also seem weird (especially because my background isn't liturgical), but I've been wondering whether the Lenten season might be an especially appropriate time to give up Mama Guilt.  

I know:  people usually give up something pleasurable for Lent.  And believe me when I say that Mama Guilt has brought zero joy into my life.  But this season isn't just a time for giving up a guilty pleasure; it's also an opportunity to release a part of our daily routine that may be blocking faith from flourishing.  And even though one of Mama Guilt's most compelling arguments is that listening to her is the best way for me to do a better job of following God, I'm finally--finally--realizing that her claim to be His special spokesperson couldn't be any further from the truth.  

Mama Guilt wants me to think she strengthens my faith.  

But I'm realizing that she actually undermines it in some pretty devious ways.  

Mama Guilt wants me to think that not listening to her endangers my faith. 

But I'm starting to see that the real danger comes when I give her the airtime she keeps demanding.

So . . . .giving up Mama Guilt for Lent is sort of like fighting fire with fire.  After all, if Lent is a time to deprive myself, I can tell Mama Guilt I'm depriving myself of her ongoing and oh-so-familiar presence in my life.  

Plus, Lent is temporary.  Truth be told, I'm a tiny bit afraid to stop listening to Mama Guilt (which, of course, is how she wants it).  I'm a little fearful of slipping into the dangerous, self-deluded peace she is always warning me against.  But if I'm walking away for only 40 days, and it's for the purpose of seeing whether it will strengthen my faith, then saying goodbye to Mama Guilt feels more like a sort of a holy-but-safe-because-it's-temporary experiment.  

It's an experiment in trusting that God's provision, mercy, and grace are far more real than Mama Guilt would ever want me to believe.  

So, even though I know it can seem fake-humble when someone goes public about what she is giving up for Lent, my sharing this decision is an attempt to be accountable. Accountable to trust God even when it gets hard--even when Mama Guilt starts arguing, as I know she will. When she does, I'm going to try and write about it here.

But it's also my invitation to anyone wanting to walk away from this unkind "friend."  Maybe someone wants to join in this holy experiment of trusting God the way we've longed to for such a very long time.

If you want to compare what your Mama Guilt says with what my Mama Guilt likes to tell me, read on.