Mama Guilt--Not Just for Mamas

If you read about how Mama Guilt loves to offer unending “helpful”observations—even about the inconsequential moments—you may have noticed a few things:

• First (and as my family jokes when one of us is in an especially talkative mood), she has a LOT of words.   A whole lot.   There’s always more where that came from.

• Second, her suggestions usually back me into a corner that impossible to escape.  I’m a bad mom if I go in one direction, and I’m also a bad mom if I go in the other direction.  She loves to put me in the damned-if-I-do-damned-if-I-don’t position (and sometimes that feels literal-but more on that later).

• She also has a knack for pointing out that any difficulty I’m encountering could have been very easily avoided (evidence that I’m not particularly bright), and that the person who should have done the avoiding is me (evidence that I’m not very intentional about my choices). That, of course, necessitates that she move on to reminisce on all those other times I’ve done such a “good” job of creating those problems, too.  Which leads to more words.  A whole lot more words.

And that’s just her commentary on the day-in-day-out interactions with my family—especially my kids.

As I have paid more attention to my thoughts, and Mama Guilt’s contributions, I have noticed she does not limit herself to unflattering evaluations of my role as a wife and mom.  Whether she is spotlighting my family’s unnecessarily large carbon footprint, or harping on my less-than-perfectly-polished social skills, nothing is off-limits from her generous “insights” about my inadequacy as wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and educator.

I am also recognizing that Mama Guilt’s commentary isn’t limited to failures.  Oh no.  She is also happy to point out that even the somewhat “successful” parts of my life could stand improvement:  

• she criticizes my spending, even though my husband often teases me about being unnecessarily frugal; 
• she calls me a slacker at my job, even when I pull long hours keeping up with my workload; 
• she critiques my interactions with friends, my time management, my housekeeping . . . .  

Mama Guilt can take just about any moment—even the one in which I’m genuinely offering my best self—and twist it into the dictionary definition of someone dangerously close to failure. 

All of this makes me wonder:  am I the only one “fortunate” enough to know such a constant and critical companion?  How many others experience the phenomenon of Mama Guilt? 

I have a hunch I’m not alone in knowing this unwanted “friend.”  But I also suspect that since she focuses on what she sees as our shortcomings, we’re inclined to keep silent about her.   

Embarrassed, maybe even ashamed, we suffer her scathing criticism in isolation.  And this only gives her more power.

With that in mind, I end this post with questions to which I hope some of you will leave your responses: 

• Which areas of your life is Mama Guilt most inclined to critique?

• What kinds of “suggestions” does she offer to you?